At the very top of my mountain of a life, I am a Mother, Wife, Yoga Instructor, Reader, Writer, Lover. I have 3 beautiful, high-spirited children who keep me on my toes and continue to save my life and a husband who accepts me as I am, even when I can’t accept myself. We have a house, a normal amount of cars, 5 chickens, a dog, and a cat. One day we will have a farm with enough land and no neighbors in sight that, as my husband says, “will allow us to just walk around naked.” That’s the top of my mountain.
Around the middle of my mountain is yoga. Yoga, aside from my children, saved me. It lead me to meditation, to inquiry, to staying on my mat and handling what life was giving me instead of turning to unhealthy options. Yoga is in the middle because it keeps me grounded and it helps keep me away from the bottom of my mountain. It’s that spot when you’re hiking a big incline and you stop and tell yourself you can’t go on anymore. Then you look back and tell yourself you can’t go back down because you’ve worked incredibly hard to get to this point, so you have no choice but to go up. It keeps me going up. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, my legs give out and I go down, but yoga is always there; meditation is always there, to bring me back up. It’s the tree you lean on during the middle of your ascent, that allows you to look up and say, “there’s so much at the top that I want and need. I have to keep going.”
At the bottom of my mountain, you’ll find depression, eating disorders, pain, repressed feelings, and memories that keep me going now, but held be down then. That’s why it’s the bottom. It’s where I started and sometimes it’s where I go, but I always find a way to hike back to the top. The base of the mountain doesn’t define me, yet is still and will always be who I was and how I became the the person I am today. My struggles created ease in my life.
It is never an easy climb up and it is never an easy fall down, but wherever I am on my mountain, I know that I can’t go lower than the bottom and I always have the top.